Quick hitters for the tournament today:
12:15: West Virginia vs. Clemson (CBS). Bob Huggins pimpwear+all the Orange from the Tigers=too much for HD TV. I think West Virginia runs away with this one.
12:40: Butler vs Old Dominion (TruTV). The Dogs and Monarchs in one of the best games of the day, so it is on TruTV. Apparently the monkeys in Manhattan decided this one can't be that interesting, right? Clowns. Take Butler and that cute boy that cuts my grass they have coaching them.
1:40 pm: Louisville vs Morehead State (TBS). The best interstate (I looked it up, Morehead isn't actually a state, but it is in Kentucky) battle of the day features the second smarmiest coach in the state vs. kids that have to listen to 14 year old taunts all season. I like Morehead to win in Denver.
2:10: Temple vs Penn State (TNT). Another interstate match-up, but one that features nothing compelling to watch, unless John Chaney happens to show up ready to fight. Take Temple, since Chaney can still kick your ass.
2:45: Kentucky vs Princeton (CBS). Basketball gods laugh at you, silly Tigers.
3:10: Pittsburgh vs UNC-Asheville (Tru TV). UNC-Ashville will shock the world because they are Hot!Hot!Hot! Wait, that was Appalachian State. Never mind, take the Panthers.
4:10: Vanderbilt vs Richmond (TBS). Can the Commodores actaully win a first round game? Will they lose to the Spiders? Richmond is tough, but I like John Jenkins to get his patented 22 points in the second half to help Vandy pull away late.
4:50: San Diego State vs Northern Colorado (TNT). If this game were on Tuesday night on ESPN, I would watch it. Since it isn't football and is the least likely game to feature anything but SDSU running up and down the court with abandon, take a step back and make sure your kids got home from school.
6:50: Florida vs UC Santa Barbara (TBS). Gators might eat boogers, but I bet their hippie is a far better than all the hippies on UC Santa Barbara's team.
7:15: BYU vs Wofford (CBS). Strangely enough, Wofford's Lady Terriers (Terrierets?) would stand a better chance at a victory. Or Wofford could bring coffee for everyone. Whatever. Expect The Jimmer to score 30, and still be in street clothes with 3 minutes to play.
7:20: UConn vs Bucknell (TNT). Two of the five best players in the tournament will tip off within 5 minutes of each other. Kimba Walker will be held to only 35 but UConn still gets the win.
7:30: Wisconsin vs Belmont (Tru TV). A dangerous game for the Badgers, as Belmont will hope to shoot about 100 3's in the game. Contrast that with Wisconsin's methodical style and it will be like taking a Qualuude while smoking meth. I like Wisconsin, because meth is bad for your skin.
9:20: Michigan State go against UCLA (TBS). In what looks like a 1998 final four match up, minus Steve Lavin with crisp Benjamins for his pocket square, UCLA will get the win.
9:45: St. John’s vs Gonzaga (CBS). Speaking of Lavin, his Red Storm tips off against Gonzaga. Neither coach will ever look ruffled, but Mark Few will get to finally smile, as Gonzaga advances to figure out how to stop the Jimmer in the second round.
9:50: Cincinnati vs Missouri (TNT). 40 miles of hell vs 40 minutes of hell. I think Cincinnati is over seeded and Missouri is underseeded. Look for the Tigers to beat the confused Ursisfelines.
10:00 Kansas State and Utah State (TruTV). Really? The best upset potential in the entire tournament is on TruTV, home of Southern Fried Stings? God, I hate monkeys. I do like Utah State, though.
Have fun and get your work done before lunch.