Thursday, August 6, 2009

SEC Coaches as Musical Artists

You know, the whole “Coaches as…” meme may be so 2008. PWD did Coaches as South Park Characters. Garnet and Black attack did Coaches as figures from Romantic Lititure and Philosophy. Even The Capstone Report did Coaches as CEO’s.

Wait those last two were this year.

So, I was listening to John Tesh the other day and realized OH MY GOD, WHAT AM I DOING IN A DEPARTMENT STORE! Luckily, Ms. Bulldog in Exile assured me that I was there with her and that we were soon to leave for wing night at BW3’s, so a crisis was averted.

While listening to Tesh, doing all of Yanni’s greatest hits, it struck me that there is a correlation between musical artists and SEC coaches.

Nick Saban=David Lee Roth: Both are widely revered and vilified. Both have plenty of ability. Both have been number one. Both have failed miserably. Both are egoistical dbags. Bonus: There is a ‘Just a Gigilo’ joke here somewhere.

Bobby Petrino=George Michael: Both are living off of success they had some time ago. Both have had to sneak out of town under suspicious circumstances. However, there is no word on Petrino’s interest in public bathrooms.

Gene Chizik=William Hung: What?!? I mean, what?!?

Urban Meyer=Toby Keith: You either love them or hate them. You cannot deny their talent. You cannot deny they are jackasses (even though personally, I like one of them). Both are possessed of a love it or leave it mentality.

Mark Richt=Vince Gill: Great coach/musician. Good men. Both have bad streaks that they only let out when they need to.

Rich Brooks=Tony Bennett: Both had success a long time ago in another place and time. Both have had a resurgence in a place that no one would have thought they could have.

Les Miles=Willie Nelson: Incredibly successful, no matter how hard they try to piss it all away.

Houston Nutt=Ozzy Osborne: Of all the things they have lost, they’ll miss their mind the most.

Dan Mullen=Dave Groll: The both got breaks because of the guy they worked with. Both were a big reason for the success of their former ‘mentors.’ It remains to be seen if Dan Mullen can pull off what Dave Grohl did and actually produce a better product than his mentor did. At least Urban Meyer can handle success.

Steve Spurrier=Rolling Stones: Once relevant and the Kings of their genres. Now, relegated to everything they have feared they would become. Yeah, Keith Richards and Steve Spurrier are good for a few quotes, but at the end of the day, who honestly is going to pay $45 to see either of their shows? Only the die hard fans.

The Kiffer=Jonas Brothers: They are so cute and have so little substance.

Bobby Johnson=Presidents of the United States of America: Both have done an awful lot with very little talent.


  1. I always make time for your posts. And this one is a classic!

    As I read it I thought to myself after each one, now that was my favorite. Although as a fellow Toby Keith fan, linking him to Slurban made me shiver.

  2. I too have a gripe about linking David Lee Roth to Nick Saban.

    As I recall Saban was second fiddle to Dick Rod...that would make Saban Sammy Hagar.

  3. Nice point, Mack and not surprisingly, I considered Sammy Hagar instead. However I feel Sammy's ego just cannot get anywhere close to DLR's. Plus Sammy is merely rocker crazy. Saban and DLR are ex-wife, coked up and hungry crazy.

  4. Very entertaining. Can't complain too much about the Spurrier comparison.

  5. The most biased sack of crap ever. Roll Tide!!